How I Am (Trying) to Find Healing During the Pandemic Through My Family Roots & Food
Seven months ago, I made the difficult decision to leave my comfortable job at a communications agency to self reflect and travel. I was able to spend two weeks in Hawaii, but the week I returned, shelter-in-place was announced and everything we have known from that day forward has shifted, moved, and pivoted (or any other word you can think of to describe the world). It hasn’t been easy, in fact, it’s been really hard and stressful. There have been days I have been overcome with my anxiety that it’s hard to even wake up in the morning or fall asleep.
I have had countless conversations these last few months with my family and closest friends who all hold the same amount of stress, anxiety, and grief of a world we once knew and the challenges that come with navigating the unknown. We have shared in that collective wonder of what will come next, what does this mean, what can we do to support others, and so on. There have been so many questions to rise out of the pandemic, the Black Lives Matter movement, the West Coast wildfires, and some that still have been unanswered. I may not have all the answers but like so many of us, I started putting my energy into something that felt useful and productive. Cooking and farming.
This wasn’t a total surprise to me or my family because I love food. What I have loved most through the several months of new recipes is the memories I have created with my mom in the kitchen and the new flavors I have introduced to my family. I always love their reactions after their first bite and their quick judgement on if it was a hit or miss. I have also loved the family history lesson and stories that are a packaged deal when recreating some of my mom’s favorite Mexican dishes. Along with cooking, I have taken it a step further to learn more about my local food sources and started volunteering with Petaluma Bounty Farm a few months ago, which I spotlighted in a previous post.
Over the past few months, I have reflected a lot about my family lineage and the roots we grow from. Especially as a daughter to Mexican immigrants, I often wonder how my family roots have led me to new beginnings and often times, back to where we started but in a new and unexpected way. There have been many new discoveries about my family history over the years. The one that I have carried close to my heart is one that dates back to my maternal great grandparents and abuelita.
As the story goes, my great grandparents owned land in Colatlán, Veracruz, Mexico. They thrived on this land growing their own fruit and vegetables while raising seven children. Some of my tíos and primos still live here today. My bisabuelo (great grandpa) navigated this land and tended to it every day until his unprecedented murder. To this day, my family does not know who committed this heinous act on my bisabuelo but they suspect it was out of jealousy and competition for the very land he cared for. My bisabuela (great grandma) was terrified for her children that she decided to sell the land and move to Mexico City to protect them from any further danger. In Mexico City, my bisabuela became a businesswoman, creating new paths of income so that her family could thrive. She bought a supermercado as one avenue of revenue and my abuela often helped work the counter (pictured below). Decades later, my parents would grow up in Mexico City and eventually immigrate to California, which is where I come in. A lot more would happen with every family decision and path, but what I do know is the foundation of three generations of my family connects back to food, land, and entrepreneurship. Every time I cook with local ingredients and harvest the vegetables at the farm, I feel closer to my heritage. Every time I dream of owning my own business, I feel connected to my family.
When I embarked on this new food journey, I did not realize how healing it would be for me physically, mentally, and spiritually. Up until a few months ago, I had been indoors every minute of every day. My only social interaction was the grocery store. My only physical exercise was walking my dogs. There were so many barriers to living a “normal” life while also trying to stay safe and healthy in a pandemic. Then I started feeling other emotions outside of stress and anxiety like joy and excitement after nailing a new recipe or harvesting a new vegetable on the farm. It felt good to not only be outside, but to learn something new about my family and my own community that I grew up in. After months, I started feeling like I had a renewed purpose and motivation to continue down this path, wherever it may lead me. I have felt invaluable growth and discovery, different to any other period in my 20s because in this moment, the noise of the world has silenced and I started listening to what brings me healing in a new way.
I spend a few hours a month on the farm and several hours in the kitchen each week. I have allowed myself the kind of time I never allowed myself before: hours of self-reflection and silence while using my mind and hands. Moving forward, I know that wherever I may live, I will always be conscious of the local ingredients and farms around me; I know that whomever I may live with, I will always be excited to try a new recipe and share a meal with them; and I know that I will always be proud and privileged to share the story of my family lineage dating back to the land in Colatlán, Veracruz.
